this is gracelynn

I just made effort to write crap, I feel like laughing and crying at the same time, my extremely stupid essay.

BLUE

I mean I would not use the word blue as a form of expression but since this essay’s title says blue, I guess I will just replace sad and unhappy with “blue”.
Why am I blue? Well, there are a couple lot of reasons right now to emphasize, I would not entirely say I’m blue, I would be blue, annoyed, frustrated, and jealous. I simply cannot understand how come I can never write as well as anyone. I do not write with delicate, fine, or exquisite language or words. My words and phrases are hardly ever artistic. I might never have the best of ideas when writing a story. I use straightforward terms. If I am sad, I do not really see the need to write, or type longwinded phrases such as this, “Intense melancholia swept the innards of his wretched soul”, I would prefer putting plain and simple such as, “I am unhappy now.”
Honestly speaking, I have not the faintest idea how I am going to continue this.
Oh yes, carrying on, well I think not because this would just make this essay a lot more draggy and longwinded as it already is.
Blue, whatever is blue? A colour? An emotion?(As I was “discussing” about earlier) Or what many might first think of when you say “blue”, the sky? So vast and open, so free and liberal, sometimes I think the only escape from the harsh reality of life is only there. However, wouldn’t that just be plain stupid and suicide? Why couldn’t the sky just be a real place of escape for everyone when they need it? I mean on our planet, wherever you go, problems are going to lie everywhere in your face, so what if your room is at its quietest? So what if you completed your last minute assignment for that monster teacher of yours. You are going to get more work, more burdens. More, work. I see no point in this worthless effort as I see for the above example about people over exaggerating about their emotions. The blue sky.

Oh my God, I hate this okay, I really have no idea how I am going to continue, everytime I think of the next word, I am going to break down, each time I find that utmost strength and time to think up the next word, I feel every bit demoralized and stupid, like I am engulfed in complete stupidity and bland ideas! Why me, why can’t I have that slightest common easy talent of writing, maybe I’m narrowminded, maybe I’m boring but I try so much harder than the rest but it’s gonna turn out like crap.
Is this “blue” enough, I think it’s more of the anger and frustration and confusion of why I have to go through so much more than others, maybe it’s me, but I honestly don’t think writing is that hard, everyone else makes it seem so easy, but I’m the only one who has trouble with this, I’m still stuck at the Primary Four level of writing, “The sky was dark, it was very windy, my hair swept across my face as I looked up in the sky.” My idea of “colourful” words are all stuck at such a low level sometimes I even wonder how I made it so far.
How come I cannot seem to grow up, to learn, to “go with the flow”, different as in, not a “freak”, not an outcast, but “slow”, I mean I cannot say I’m slow, I’m in the top class for pete’s sake! But I never ever do it well, my standard is lower than everyone else’s, I take so much more effort, it’s not fair at all! I try, I really do, I put in all I can. Some might say, it’s my single biased opinion and that I might not be trying as hard so tell me, if so, why do I feel as if I’ve been drained of ideas, I feel lethargic, I feel deranged from thinking up of those other 100000.. other ridiculous stories, unless I really did tried.
How is there to think of a wonderfully-plotted story with one little single stupid simple word. Well, surprisingly, I heard of some, one about a steward, who lost his entire family and just emphasizing about his daughter’s blue eyes, about in the end committing suicide after jumping off from the plane into the BLUE BLUE sky and “seeing” his daughter once again. How can such a wonderfully weaved story come out from just one word, “BLUE”. How is it that, out of the very high probability of me finding a good story to write about “Blue” did not appear to me?
I’ve reached my seventh hundred and ninety seventh word. I’m very appalled and amused I even got this far, still more about the “BLUE”.
I realized something that caught me of amusement, I started off writing “Blue” feeling blue which made me felt possibly more “blue” if I can make the word seem more versatile, oh, this paragraph would have made a great ending but I had to type it down now.
This essay is extremely, brain draining and energy draining. I’m actually writing something filled with so much emotion but yet so finely can be described as rubbish and worthless to read, however I will complete this.
I really really hate this, I am tired and sick to continue anymore because every word here is true and from what I feel now, and this is the first time ‘m actually writing basd on my emotions at that exact point of time, something so innocent and real but could be treated like dirt.
I’m not even sure if I’m even going to hand this up, because I will probably be talked to which would be severely embarrassing and thought-provoking.
I really never received this homework and had no complete idea of it at all but out of a slip of a tongue by a certain someone, I tried to stick to the rules and complete this, why am I being so honest? Because if I was not, I would have nothing else to write at all.

Once again, IS THIS “BLUE” enough??