this is gracelynn

Dear Always,

Once a month, I open the bottom cabinet in my bathroom and I pull out the mega-jumbo-package of pads I keep down there because no one listens to me when I beg them to please take my uterus out and stomp on it. I don't want it. I don't need it. NO ONE LISTENS TO ME.

I digress.

I buy your brand because you sell the size that could arguably be used as a diaper. I've tried others, only to have horrible flashbacks of wearing my jacket tied around my waist all through the 8th grade because I'm one of those unfortunate women who bleeds like a hemophiliac and those dainty panty liners are a joke. It's like trying to put a band-aid on a severed artery.

It's bad enough that I have to buy the Tampax marked SUPER PLUS, but combine that with the pads that say, EXTRA HEAVY OVERNIGHT FOR MAXIMUM PROTECTION and I might as well have a sign on my head that reads, "I make the movie set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre look positively clean!" I'm sure it's not that big of a deal and no one really notices, but in my head, they're all staring at me and thinking things like, "Wow. Surely she doesn't have to wear both of these things at the same time! There's enough absorbency here to suck up the Hoover dam! Her vagina must be HUGE."

Anyway. I wanted to let you know that I appreciate you. I thank you for soft, dri-weave cover, for the flexi-wings and your 'one-hand release' - because, quite frankly, when you're peeing in the woods and trying to keep your balance so you don't give yourself a pine-cone enema, that one hand release for the backing is pretty darned handy - and although you use that "Have A Happy Period" slogan (and Wendi Aaron already did an incredible job of covering THAT particular topic, so I won't even try to go there), I think I can forgive you. In a few days. After the urge to kill has passed.

But, please. I know you have a team of scientists to rival that of NASA and someone there has got to come up with a better plan than the super-glue adhesive you have on the back of those sumbitches because if you don't put that thing on just so, it rips all your pubic hair out. And I don't mean the kind on the landing strip, I mean the kind on your taint, the kind that even when gently stretched causes pain that falls somewhere between setting your eyelids on fire and being punched in the spleen. Additionally, this always seems to be sneak attack that happens mid-morning. Adjusting my seating during our office meeting and then screaming, "MOTHER OF SHIT, SOMETHINGS EATING MY CROTCH!!?", didn't exactly get me a raise.

If doctors can make people in cigar tubes, you can save my hair down there.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Crystal McKnob

HAHAHA I saw this in scratchthevinyl.lj and it's from WWW.MCKNOB.COM

SUPER FUCKING FUNNY.
THIS IS WHY I HATE PERIODS TOO, cept not so jialat lah :D
hahaha, samuel so kootz.
okay del's bday thingo tmr and 4 days of sentosa the day after. baha