Urge

I just calculated my L1R5 tdy, (I dono why I still calculate my results), and its a 32 or more.
So even if I did go JC, I wouldn't be able to, poly, wouldn't be able to get wanted course and oh yeah 54 minus 32, 22 more points so ultimate F9!

So, I guess I gta buck up?

Okay, I HAVE TO.

I watch ppl as their life plunges and how they rot their life away, delibrately.
And I get fearful, what if I keep failing and I give up and end up like that?
No, cut the crap about it being impossible and the low chances, I might, I can visualize myself in that situation.
And at the same time, that fearfulness is not at its peak such that I get nervous and start perservering, I disillusion myself to thinking, no no, it won't be and I get lazy all over again, I need to start picking myself up and everybody is already in levitation.

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Somemtimes, I have this strong urge to see who would steal things, and I would imagine myself leaving valuables on a public area and watch in a corner who would take my things.
I mean whenever you lose, or get things stolen, you'd get this frustrated, "who the f would do this" feeling and you wanna slice off hands and burn their eyes with garlic.
At least, I do.

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