I just made effort to write crap, I feel like laughing and crying at the same time, my extremely stupid essay.

BLUE

I mean I would not use the word blue as a form of expression but since this essay’s title says blue, I guess I will just replace sad and unhappy with “blue”.
Why am I blue? Well, there are a couple lot of reasons right now to emphasize, I would not entirely say I’m blue, I would be blue, annoyed, frustrated, and jealous. I simply cannot understand how come I can never write as well as anyone. I do not write with delicate, fine, or exquisite language or words. My words and phrases are hardly ever artistic. I might never have the best of ideas when writing a story. I use straightforward terms. If I am sad, I do not really see the need to write, or type longwinded phrases such as this, “Intense melancholia swept the innards of his wretched soul”, I would prefer putting plain and simple such as, “I am unhappy now.”
Honestly speaking, I have not the faintest idea how I am going to continue this.
Oh yes, carrying on, well I think not because this would just make this essay a lot more draggy and longwinded as it already is.
Blue, whatever is blue? A colour? An emotion?(As I was “discussing” about earlier) Or what many might first think of when you say “blue”, the sky? So vast and open, so free and liberal, sometimes I think the only escape from the harsh reality of life is only there. However, wouldn’t that just be plain stupid and suicide? Why couldn’t the sky just be a real place of escape for everyone when they need it? I mean on our planet, wherever you go, problems are going to lie everywhere in your face, so what if your room is at its quietest? So what if you completed your last minute assignment for that monster teacher of yours. You are going to get more work, more burdens. More, work. I see no point in this worthless effort as I see for the above example about people over exaggerating about their emotions. The blue sky.

Oh my God, I hate this okay, I really have no idea how I am going to continue, everytime I think of the next word, I am going to break down, each time I find that utmost strength and time to think up the next word, I feel every bit demoralized and stupid, like I am engulfed in complete stupidity and bland ideas! Why me, why can’t I have that slightest common easy talent of writing, maybe I’m narrowminded, maybe I’m boring but I try so much harder than the rest but it’s gonna turn out like crap.
Is this “blue” enough, I think it’s more of the anger and frustration and confusion of why I have to go through so much more than others, maybe it’s me, but I honestly don’t think writing is that hard, everyone else makes it seem so easy, but I’m the only one who has trouble with this, I’m still stuck at the Primary Four level of writing, “The sky was dark, it was very windy, my hair swept across my face as I looked up in the sky.” My idea of “colourful” words are all stuck at such a low level sometimes I even wonder how I made it so far.
How come I cannot seem to grow up, to learn, to “go with the flow”, different as in, not a “freak”, not an outcast, but “slow”, I mean I cannot say I’m slow, I’m in the top class for pete’s sake! But I never ever do it well, my standard is lower than everyone else’s, I take so much more effort, it’s not fair at all! I try, I really do, I put in all I can. Some might say, it’s my single biased opinion and that I might not be trying as hard so tell me, if so, why do I feel as if I’ve been drained of ideas, I feel lethargic, I feel deranged from thinking up of those other 100000.. other ridiculous stories, unless I really did tried.
How is there to think of a wonderfully-plotted story with one little single stupid simple word. Well, surprisingly, I heard of some, one about a steward, who lost his entire family and just emphasizing about his daughter’s blue eyes, about in the end committing suicide after jumping off from the plane into the BLUE BLUE sky and “seeing” his daughter once again. How can such a wonderfully weaved story come out from just one word, “BLUE”. How is it that, out of the very high probability of me finding a good story to write about “Blue” did not appear to me?
I’ve reached my seventh hundred and ninety seventh word. I’m very appalled and amused I even got this far, still more about the “BLUE”.
I realized something that caught me of amusement, I started off writing “Blue” feeling blue which made me felt possibly more “blue” if I can make the word seem more versatile, oh, this paragraph would have made a great ending but I had to type it down now.
This essay is extremely, brain draining and energy draining. I’m actually writing something filled with so much emotion but yet so finely can be described as rubbish and worthless to read, however I will complete this.
I really really hate this, I am tired and sick to continue anymore because every word here is true and from what I feel now, and this is the first time ‘m actually writing basd on my emotions at that exact point of time, something so innocent and real but could be treated like dirt.
I’m not even sure if I’m even going to hand this up, because I will probably be talked to which would be severely embarrassing and thought-provoking.
I really never received this homework and had no complete idea of it at all but out of a slip of a tongue by a certain someone, I tried to stick to the rules and complete this, why am I being so honest? Because if I was not, I would have nothing else to write at all.

Once again, IS THIS “BLUE” enough??

Very very nice, I think my posts are very boring.
:(
School is starting, egad.

I haven't blogged in awhile, I think that I'm the only one who gets nightmare about periods.
Okay, a fast one cause I needa paint.
Some pics from japan which you've seen and some from sleepover :)
WHERE ARE THE ULTRA COOL PICS JULIA?!
















Oh yes, I might use flickr cause my cousin insists so I can compile the pictures I take and create a portfolio, so fun woohoo.
I hate xmas, I dont think Im going to church anymore.

sleepover

Okay, I came bakc at 9 plus after a movie at wth VIVO with my camp group :)
We watched National Treasure, it was okay I guess, I don't really like thrilling movies, not very thrilling though.

I'm angry cause my dad only cares about grades and science and gives me things only if I do them well.
I mean he can be nice but when he's frustrating, all his niceness cannot overshadow it.
I wished he bought me stuff and shop with me and give me money cause he's nice not because of "oh, every one maths question you do, ou get 1 buck."
I mean it's a pretty good deal but still.
I don't want that much, just for him to understand that I like art and I dowand to grow up doing somthing ivolving maths though it's basic foundation, yes I know but buy me a camera, pay for my brushes, get me photoshop, okay that's alot, but at least something that I enjoy doing and something that I want to grow up to become. :(
Anyway Japan pics! :)





ANOTHER DAY :)

OMG, this is fucking awesome.
Anyone who has the dvd, pls do lend it to me :)
I don't know, I mean I don't like common animes like big eyes and all, but one with a different style.
Japanese films can be almost boring but it has so much content that I can't even digest it but it's so cool, I mean I watched spirited away and another one, I can't remeber the name but I was so intrigued by it, okay forget it.
Off to paint.

Hey all you freaks out there :)
I'm in the airport in the lounge, itsso cool, I didn't know it existed.
WOW.
Still in shock.
alright, we're like passing the com around cause there's like only 3.
This is stupid.
Cheerios!

I look ultra terrible with my "once-again-stupid-face" that was sps to look tired.
Left to right(SINAI):
Ray(Ah Beng), Nathaniel(Leader[always has at least 2 servings of every meal]), Gwen(Asst. Leader), Clara, Nicole, Jocelyn, Nat(alie)[Newly made friend I made]
Jingwen and Grace Chan weren't present in the picture.
I just realised I typed "Newly made friend I made"

The camo was quite disappointing, it was raining severely on the first day so we had no games at all, and I bathed only twice, for three nights I slept on the floor which probably had physical contact with centipede, caterpillars, lizards, cockroaches.

I didn't made much friends besides, Natalie and this pair of twins called Xu something and Xu something. They have telephathy.
And I found a talent, I can talk to animals, really, centipedes.
I got it out of the room just by talking to him :O
hahah.
Quite random lah.
I felt so lonely, with hardly any friends to hand around, irritated by a member who whines like anything, had stomachache and didn't felt God's presence.
Unproductive and I'm thinking I never exactly have good camps besides the Ohana one.

In a few hours I'm gonna fly off to Japan and I haven'e packed yet, where's my sense of urgency, see ya

I dono why but I went to make myself upset by thinking about sutff.


I dont really wanna bring it up but by doing this, I kinda am, but otherwise, I was thinking, I hate being a girl.

Like I was talking to A about through the phone, girls bitch and cause their own"downfall", I rather a physical fight that will be able to leave scars that can be removable but inner ones will never heal completely, it's tucked there in the nightmare compartment of your brain and it will never go away.

I read some stuff and thought, when you say what you say when your angry, you think you really really mean it but you dont and no matter how much you or the person knows it was all in a fit of anger, it still hurts when the one being talked about knows you thought of her at least once that way and who doesn't wanna be perfect?

-

Moving on to happier things,

I've finished painting my flag alrd and 1 and a half canvases are completed.
B)

Smellyfaced's interpretation of a model.

fred the frog(halfway done)
silly the snake

flag
flag
moustache cup from an antique shop, unclear, its quite funny. they gave a little space to support the moustache. B)

WE OWN YOU!

Ew, gdnight y'all.